While reading this chapter it took me 2 days and many interruptions to finally get it finished. Chapter 2 is called "Growth"! That basically sums up the last few weeks of my life. I have been growing as a mother and a wife and a person. This chapter has taught me that mothering involves self sacrifice. This bothered me a little at first but once I thought further on the subject I realized that it meant putting the need of my children above my own. For example I really enjoy my afternoon naps, but my 4 year old does not take a nap anymore and wants to spend time with me playing or doing work book pages. So a self sacrificing act on my part is giving up that nap and spending time with him, I confess I do not always succeed in this. I do notice, though, that on the days that I take time to spend with him he is a little bit more calm and obedient.
A quote from Judith Couchman states "[Our family's] well being takes priority over most pursuits, and I believe God honors decisions that place people above accomplishments. On the other hand, it also takes balance not to worship at the shrine of family to the exclusion of other relationships and responsibilities. It its possible to isolate ourselves within the family structure, hiding from personal growth and spiritual calling." This quote struck home to me because my family does need to come first and not second to other activities at church or school. Sometimes I get so concerned with activity that my family and home suffer for it. At the same time I realize that we can't be hidden in our house and not interact with others. So in the middle of that we need to find balance! Balance is finding the ground of taking care of me while also taking care of my children and husband. I also need to realize that my example of mothering and being a wife is what my children are going to base their future relationships on. So I need to be careful what their little eyes and ears pick up on. Are they going to see a mom who loved and cared for them enough to spend time with them and talk and listen? Or a mom who was more concerned with Facebook and email? And when they go and look for a wife are they going to look for one that is submissive and honoring to them, because that is what they saw in me? My prayer is that I can exude Christ's love towards them and towards my husband so that they can have good examples to follow.
Another topic in this chapter is Dreams. Dreams as in where do I want to be in 5 years or 10 years. Do I want a business, or publish a children's book? We need to make sure that while our children are young we don't try to pursue these "dreams" to the point that the children suffer. Right now my only dream is to be home with my children and to focus on being a wife and mother. Some of you might wonder why. I worked outside the home for 8 years and for 3 of those we had a child. It was the most difficult thing for me to do. My heart was at home I did not like going to work. But my husbands job (and sometimes lack of a job) left us no choice financially. After my second child was born I went back to work for 4 months and after coming home crying everyday for about 2 weeks, we finally decided to lay our finances down at the feet of Jesus and rely on Him to care and provide for us. At this time my husband has a steady job that pays fairly well and I am so thankful for this time to spend with both of my boys at home. At the same time there is a ton of guilt that I did not get to bond with my older son as well as I have with the second. As much as I pray for relief from this guilt there are many days that it crops up and I have to again confess it before the Lord and move on. I can do nothing about the past. Having said all that I feel that I am living my dream right now! I also know that is not the case for everyone, so just remember to not let your family suffer just because you have a need to fulfill your dreams.
One reason I started this blog was to find a creative outlet for me. I enjoy writing but have not been able to keep up with it in the last five years. Journaling is a wonderful way to stay connected to who you are. The authors suggest to keep journaling so that we don't lose sight of who we are outside of mother and wife. So this blog is a wonderful way for me to get some self expression out there and if for no body else, for me!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
What Every Mom Needs...
Lately we have been struggling with disciplining our four year old I have tried everything and come to the conclusion that nothing is going to work! BUT after a sleepless night last night (and keeping my husband up until 2 am) I think I have come to some conclusions as to how to handle this strong willed child. I have read Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel, she gave me a lot of ideas but I still was having no luck getting a response. I tried about 3 different approaches, one was a rewards jar that I filled with tokens as he did was he was told. Another approach was using a paper plate clock to show his bed time and when he is disciplined he has to go to bed 5 minutes sooner. The third approach that I used was making him learn verses that correlated to what his offense was, I think he was a little too young yet for that one.
So last night I began reading a book by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall called What Every Mom Needs. This book opened a whole new outlook into why he might be misbehaving. My conclusion was that I am LAZY! My parenting over the summer became lazy and I quit being on top of the discipline. I am now going to out line some points that helped me come to this conclusion.
1. Mom guilt... I was feeling guilty that I missed so much of his baby and toddler time because I was working. So I felt not as connected to him as I do his younger brother (who I have been able to stay home with since he was 4 months old).
2. Losing a sense of "myself"... Since quitting my job over a year ago its been really difficult for me to feel connected to other moms or other adults, at work I had adults to talk to all day long, but at home the 4 year old and toddler don't get my sense of humor! Along with feeling a loss of myself in this mother process these ladies point out some ways to help us mother (no matter where we are in the whole process) with out losing our self: "We need to know ourselves the way God knows us (Matthew 22:39 states that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves!). "We need to care for ourselves for the sake of our children." This one helped me realize I don't need to feel guilty about taking time to go to the gym or out for the evening to be by myself. "We need to accept ourselves for the sake of our children." This one was good for me because I can be too hard on myself and children pick up on these little things. So if I am talking negatively about myself then that is how my children are going to see me or themselves. "We need to accept ourselves for the sake of other around us." If we don't love ourselves we won't truly be able to love others.
To bring it all to an end I learned that taking time for myself to re energize is the best thing I can do for my children and my husband. I would like to encourage you to take some time for yourself at the end or beginning of your day and work out or read or do something that is just for you! I don't feel its a selfish act I think its the best thing you can do!
At the end of the chapter there were some questions that I would like to leave with you, I will also leave my answers to them:
1. If I could spend a day (eight hours), with or without my family, doing anything, what would I do? As I told my husband last night, I am feeling so overwhelmed right now that the thing I would most like to do is to take my book and check into a hotel and lock myself in that room and not leave for an entire day! Doesn't that sound wonderful!?
2. What are my talents? This is a hard one for me to answer because I never feel like I have any "talents", I can't sing, I am not a public speaker. SO what are my talents, I believe I am talented in behind the scenes work. I can sew, I can bake, and I can love my children and husband to no end!
3. What are my dreams? My biggest dream in life is to have my children come to love Jesus as I love him! I want them to be able to say that they saw Jesus in my life!
4. What stirs my passion? This question threw me for a loop because I am not generally a passionate person. SO for me to say what stirs my passions is hard. I love my children, I want to do whats best for them. BUT I also know that I am something other than a mother and wife. My passions in life have to do with having a home that is a sanctuary for my family. To have people walk into my house and know that its filled with love and passion and is comfortable.
5. What is my calling? I believe my calling in life is to serve Jesus with my whole heart, and to love Him! I believe I am called to children's ministry at our church.
6. Can I pursue this purpose now, even as I live as a mother to young children? How?
I most definitely can do this now! What better time is there?!
7. How can my mothering enhance my growth in fulfilling my purpose? I need to be fully focused on my children while I am with them and fully focused on "myself" when I am doing something for me! That may sound selfish and I don't mean it that way. I just mean that when I take time out for me that I am not worried or thinking about how to handle things with them. I need to be refreshed and renewed when I come back to them.
(These questions were taken from the book What Every Mom Needs, by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall, chapter one, pages 48-49)
Please pray this prayer of acceptance and let yourself be renewed as I was:
"Today, O Lord, I accept your acceptance of me.
I confess that you are always with me and always for me.
I receive into my spirit your grace, your mercy, your care.
I rest in your love, O Lord, I rest in your love. Amen.
(pg. 49)
So last night I began reading a book by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall called What Every Mom Needs. This book opened a whole new outlook into why he might be misbehaving. My conclusion was that I am LAZY! My parenting over the summer became lazy and I quit being on top of the discipline. I am now going to out line some points that helped me come to this conclusion.
1. Mom guilt... I was feeling guilty that I missed so much of his baby and toddler time because I was working. So I felt not as connected to him as I do his younger brother (who I have been able to stay home with since he was 4 months old).
2. Losing a sense of "myself"... Since quitting my job over a year ago its been really difficult for me to feel connected to other moms or other adults, at work I had adults to talk to all day long, but at home the 4 year old and toddler don't get my sense of humor! Along with feeling a loss of myself in this mother process these ladies point out some ways to help us mother (no matter where we are in the whole process) with out losing our self: "We need to know ourselves the way God knows us (Matthew 22:39 states that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves!). "We need to care for ourselves for the sake of our children." This one helped me realize I don't need to feel guilty about taking time to go to the gym or out for the evening to be by myself. "We need to accept ourselves for the sake of our children." This one was good for me because I can be too hard on myself and children pick up on these little things. So if I am talking negatively about myself then that is how my children are going to see me or themselves. "We need to accept ourselves for the sake of other around us." If we don't love ourselves we won't truly be able to love others.
To bring it all to an end I learned that taking time for myself to re energize is the best thing I can do for my children and my husband. I would like to encourage you to take some time for yourself at the end or beginning of your day and work out or read or do something that is just for you! I don't feel its a selfish act I think its the best thing you can do!
At the end of the chapter there were some questions that I would like to leave with you, I will also leave my answers to them:
1. If I could spend a day (eight hours), with or without my family, doing anything, what would I do? As I told my husband last night, I am feeling so overwhelmed right now that the thing I would most like to do is to take my book and check into a hotel and lock myself in that room and not leave for an entire day! Doesn't that sound wonderful!?
2. What are my talents? This is a hard one for me to answer because I never feel like I have any "talents", I can't sing, I am not a public speaker. SO what are my talents, I believe I am talented in behind the scenes work. I can sew, I can bake, and I can love my children and husband to no end!
3. What are my dreams? My biggest dream in life is to have my children come to love Jesus as I love him! I want them to be able to say that they saw Jesus in my life!
4. What stirs my passion? This question threw me for a loop because I am not generally a passionate person. SO for me to say what stirs my passions is hard. I love my children, I want to do whats best for them. BUT I also know that I am something other than a mother and wife. My passions in life have to do with having a home that is a sanctuary for my family. To have people walk into my house and know that its filled with love and passion and is comfortable.
5. What is my calling? I believe my calling in life is to serve Jesus with my whole heart, and to love Him! I believe I am called to children's ministry at our church.
6. Can I pursue this purpose now, even as I live as a mother to young children? How?
I most definitely can do this now! What better time is there?!
7. How can my mothering enhance my growth in fulfilling my purpose? I need to be fully focused on my children while I am with them and fully focused on "myself" when I am doing something for me! That may sound selfish and I don't mean it that way. I just mean that when I take time out for me that I am not worried or thinking about how to handle things with them. I need to be refreshed and renewed when I come back to them.
(These questions were taken from the book What Every Mom Needs, by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall, chapter one, pages 48-49)
Please pray this prayer of acceptance and let yourself be renewed as I was:
"Today, O Lord, I accept your acceptance of me.
I confess that you are always with me and always for me.
I receive into my spirit your grace, your mercy, your care.
I rest in your love, O Lord, I rest in your love. Amen.
(pg. 49)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
As summer comes to an end...
It is now the middle of August and we are getting ready for preschool to start. I know some mothers would feel sad, but for me this is a wonderful time! I love having my 4 year old (almost 5 year old!) home but this has been a long summer. He is really ready for school to start. I can never seem to keep him interested in any project that we do or in any toys that we have. I sometimes wonder what to do just to keep him so he does not destroy the house or his little brother. The little brother is learning quickly how to defend himself and that has added a lot more stress to my day. The 19 month old has recently learned to hit and get a reaction so that is mostly what he does all day to his older brother. The 4 year old takes it pretty well and does not get upset but just comes and tells on him every time he gets hit.
I will admit that I have been really preoccupied lately. My parents are getting ready for an auction of most of their things. So being the wonderful good daughter that I am I have been helping my mom pack boxes. We also are going to be moving in the next few months (into their house!) so I also have to start packing my own house. I keep thinking about doing it but never seem to get around to it. We are gearing up for a garage sale next month so I have been clearing things out and getting that ready. I guess that is doing something.
We are also trying to get things fixed and ready at our house so we can put it on the market. While doing that we are getting things for the new house as we have the money. I think maybe we are trying to do too much at one time. BUT I want to be ready to move before spring time so we can be in the new house for summer!
We are praying for a nice transition to the new house and that ours would sell quickly. We are really torn as to when to place it on the market because we would like to be moved out before we try to sell it. BUT with the housing market the way it is, we might need to do that sooner. We just don't want to be sitting with an empty house that we are paying for. God's timing is always perfect and we know He will lead us!
Back to the school issue.... with the 4 year old (soon to be 5 year old!) I am wondering what to do with the toddler. Not that I don't know what to do but I would like to get him to some sort of music class or swimming or something along those lines. The 4 year old will be in school all day on Tuesday and Thursdays and half day Wednesdays. I will have Bible study on Tuesdays and so I think just one day a week for a class for the toddler would be perfect. Let me know if anyone has any ideas of something that a 19 month old would enjoy. I think a swimming class would be good for him because he hasn't been too fond of the water and this summer hasn't been too good for going swimming.
I would like to leave you with these verses from the Bible: Psalm 8:1-5,9
O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor...O Lord, our Lord how majestic is your name in all the earth!
I will admit that I have been really preoccupied lately. My parents are getting ready for an auction of most of their things. So being the wonderful good daughter that I am I have been helping my mom pack boxes. We also are going to be moving in the next few months (into their house!) so I also have to start packing my own house. I keep thinking about doing it but never seem to get around to it. We are gearing up for a garage sale next month so I have been clearing things out and getting that ready. I guess that is doing something.
We are also trying to get things fixed and ready at our house so we can put it on the market. While doing that we are getting things for the new house as we have the money. I think maybe we are trying to do too much at one time. BUT I want to be ready to move before spring time so we can be in the new house for summer!
We are praying for a nice transition to the new house and that ours would sell quickly. We are really torn as to when to place it on the market because we would like to be moved out before we try to sell it. BUT with the housing market the way it is, we might need to do that sooner. We just don't want to be sitting with an empty house that we are paying for. God's timing is always perfect and we know He will lead us!
Back to the school issue.... with the 4 year old (soon to be 5 year old!) I am wondering what to do with the toddler. Not that I don't know what to do but I would like to get him to some sort of music class or swimming or something along those lines. The 4 year old will be in school all day on Tuesday and Thursdays and half day Wednesdays. I will have Bible study on Tuesdays and so I think just one day a week for a class for the toddler would be perfect. Let me know if anyone has any ideas of something that a 19 month old would enjoy. I think a swimming class would be good for him because he hasn't been too fond of the water and this summer hasn't been too good for going swimming.
I would like to leave you with these verses from the Bible: Psalm 8:1-5,9
O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor...O Lord, our Lord how majestic is your name in all the earth!
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