What Every Mom Needs...

Lately we have been struggling with disciplining our four year old I have tried everything and come to the conclusion that nothing is going to work! BUT after a sleepless night last night (and keeping my husband up until 2 am) I think I have come to some conclusions as to how to handle this strong willed child. I have read Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel, she gave me a lot of ideas but I still was having no luck getting a response. I tried about 3 different approaches, one was a rewards jar that I filled with tokens as he did was he was told. Another approach was using a paper plate clock to show his bed time and when he is disciplined he has to go to bed 5 minutes sooner. The third approach that I used was making him learn verses that correlated to what his offense was, I think he was a little too young yet for that one.

So last night I began reading a book by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall called What Every Mom Needs. This book opened a whole new outlook into why he might be misbehaving. My conclusion was that I am LAZY! My parenting over the summer became lazy and I quit being on top of the discipline. I am now going to out line some points that helped me come to this conclusion.
1. Mom guilt... I was feeling guilty that I missed so much of his baby and toddler time because I was working. So I felt not as connected to him as I do his younger brother (who I have been able to stay home with since he was 4 months old).
2. Losing a sense of "myself"... Since quitting my job over a year ago its been really difficult for me to feel connected to other moms or other adults, at work I had adults to talk to all day long, but at home the 4 year old and toddler don't get my sense of humor! Along with feeling a loss of myself in this mother process these ladies point out some ways to help us mother (no matter where we are in the whole process) with out losing our self: "We need to know ourselves the way God knows us (Matthew 22:39 states that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves!). "We need to care for ourselves for the sake of our children." This one helped me realize I don't need to feel guilty about taking time to go to the gym or out for the evening to be by myself. "We need to accept ourselves for the sake of our children." This one was good for me because I can be too hard on myself and children pick up on these little things. So if I am talking negatively about myself then that is how my children are going to see me or themselves. "We need to accept ourselves for the sake of other around us." If we don't love ourselves we won't truly be able to love others.

To bring it all to an end I learned that taking time for myself to re energize is the best thing I can do for my children and my husband. I would like to encourage you to take some time for yourself at the end or beginning of your day and work out or read or do something that is just for you! I don't feel its a selfish act I think its the best thing you can do!

At the end of the chapter there were some questions that I would like to leave with you, I will also leave my answers to them:
1. If I could spend a day (eight hours), with or without my family, doing anything, what would I do? As I told my husband last night, I am feeling so overwhelmed right now that the thing I would most like to do is to take my book and check into a hotel and lock myself in that room and not leave for an entire day! Doesn't that sound wonderful!?
2. What are my talents? This is a hard one for me to answer because I never feel like I have any "talents", I can't sing, I am not a public speaker. SO what are my talents, I believe I am talented in behind the scenes work. I can sew, I can bake, and I can love my children and husband to no end!
3. What are my dreams? My biggest dream in life is to have my children come to love Jesus as I love him! I want them to be able to say that they saw Jesus in my life!
4. What stirs my passion? This question threw me for a loop because I am not generally a passionate person. SO for me to say what stirs my passions is hard. I love my children, I want to do whats best for them. BUT I also know that I am something other than a mother and wife. My passions in life have to do with having a home that is a sanctuary for my family. To have people walk into my house and know that its filled with love and passion and is comfortable.
5. What is my calling? I believe my calling in life is to serve Jesus with my whole heart, and to love Him! I believe I am called to children's ministry at our church.
6. Can I pursue this purpose now, even as I live as a mother to young children? How?
I most definitely can do this now! What better time is there?!
7. How can my mothering enhance my growth in fulfilling my purpose? I need to be fully focused on my children while I am with them and fully focused on "myself" when I am doing something for me! That may sound selfish and I don't mean it that way. I just mean that when I take time out for me that I am not worried or thinking about how to handle things with them. I need to be refreshed and renewed when I come back to them.

(These questions were taken from the book What Every Mom Needs, by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall, chapter one, pages 48-49)


Please pray this prayer of acceptance and let yourself be renewed as I was:

"Today, O Lord, I accept your acceptance of me.
I confess that you are always with me and always for me.
I receive into my spirit your grace, your mercy, your care.
I rest in your love, O Lord, I rest in your love. Amen.
(pg. 49)