While reading this chapter it took me 2 days and many interruptions to finally get it finished. Chapter 2 is called "Growth"! That basically sums up the last few weeks of my life. I have been growing as a mother and a wife and a person. This chapter has taught me that mothering involves self sacrifice. This bothered me a little at first but once I thought further on the subject I realized that it meant putting the need of my children above my own. For example I really enjoy my afternoon naps, but my 4 year old does not take a nap anymore and wants to spend time with me playing or doing work book pages. So a self sacrificing act on my part is giving up that nap and spending time with him, I confess I do not always succeed in this. I do notice, though, that on the days that I take time to spend with him he is a little bit more calm and obedient.
A quote from Judith Couchman states "[Our family's] well being takes priority over most pursuits, and I believe God honors decisions that place people above accomplishments. On the other hand, it also takes balance not to worship at the shrine of family to the exclusion of other relationships and responsibilities. It its possible to isolate ourselves within the family structure, hiding from personal growth and spiritual calling." This quote struck home to me because my family does need to come first and not second to other activities at church or school. Sometimes I get so concerned with activity that my family and home suffer for it. At the same time I realize that we can't be hidden in our house and not interact with others. So in the middle of that we need to find balance! Balance is finding the ground of taking care of me while also taking care of my children and husband. I also need to realize that my example of mothering and being a wife is what my children are going to base their future relationships on. So I need to be careful what their little eyes and ears pick up on. Are they going to see a mom who loved and cared for them enough to spend time with them and talk and listen? Or a mom who was more concerned with Facebook and email? And when they go and look for a wife are they going to look for one that is submissive and honoring to them, because that is what they saw in me? My prayer is that I can exude Christ's love towards them and towards my husband so that they can have good examples to follow.
Another topic in this chapter is Dreams. Dreams as in where do I want to be in 5 years or 10 years. Do I want a business, or publish a children's book? We need to make sure that while our children are young we don't try to pursue these "dreams" to the point that the children suffer. Right now my only dream is to be home with my children and to focus on being a wife and mother. Some of you might wonder why. I worked outside the home for 8 years and for 3 of those we had a child. It was the most difficult thing for me to do. My heart was at home I did not like going to work. But my husbands job (and sometimes lack of a job) left us no choice financially. After my second child was born I went back to work for 4 months and after coming home crying everyday for about 2 weeks, we finally decided to lay our finances down at the feet of Jesus and rely on Him to care and provide for us. At this time my husband has a steady job that pays fairly well and I am so thankful for this time to spend with both of my boys at home. At the same time there is a ton of guilt that I did not get to bond with my older son as well as I have with the second. As much as I pray for relief from this guilt there are many days that it crops up and I have to again confess it before the Lord and move on. I can do nothing about the past. Having said all that I feel that I am living my dream right now! I also know that is not the case for everyone, so just remember to not let your family suffer just because you have a need to fulfill your dreams.
One reason I started this blog was to find a creative outlet for me. I enjoy writing but have not been able to keep up with it in the last five years. Journaling is a wonderful way to stay connected to who you are. The authors suggest to keep journaling so that we don't lose sight of who we are outside of mother and wife. So this blog is a wonderful way for me to get some self expression out there and if for no body else, for me!
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